2004-08-30 - 12:27 p.m.
I am so happy to be pregnant. I wish I could feel like this forever. I don't know a time in my life when I was ever this happy, consistently. I had trouble adjusting to the idea, at first, but it has sunk in, and I mean deeply. I'm going to be somebody's Mama.
I love seeing the look on my mother's face when I visit her. She's happy, too. The wheels are turning and she's planning for this baby, much like I am. My dad just giggles around me. He loves being a Punka. And I've never seen my brother so happy, either. I think he likes seeing me this way. My sister's voice is like music to my ears because she knows so much and it's still so fresh in her mind. Her youngest is almost three. She comes to visit this coming weekend and I can't wait to see the look on her face when she sees my belly. She'll probably cry. Come to think of it, so will I.
I'm extra happy at the fact that I arrived at this pregnancy the old-fashioned way. I didn't need fertility drugs and shots and ovulation kits. I didn't need to harvest my eggs in a test tube. I've been very fortunate. I don't know what it's like to want a baby I can't have. I feel like a gift has been placed in my body and I'm almost surprised that I even deserved it.
Considering Hubby and I avoided each other whenever the time was right, this was almost a shock (except for the fact that we knew what would happen if we did it at that very time in my cycle). We didn't really stress about baby-making. We just didn't think about it too much. I remember telling him that it was "that time" in my cycle and "it could happen, ya know." It was actually the first time we had sex on purpose, for this very reason. The rest of the times, we knew the odds were slight. I'd been off the pill for eight months prior and we just didn't have sex during the middle of my cycle. We played it careful. This time, however, we both knew what could result and we had a mission. Looks like it worked because I'm sitting here starting my fifth month right now. I was very, very lucky. We kind of giggled and thought "maybe now, maybe later." Either way, we would've accepted the outcome. It's nice to know that it didn't take too long. I don't know the stresses of waiting month to month to figure out "am I or not." I knew it when it happened. A little voice inside me clicked and I just knew. Without knowing for sure, I had purchased a bunch of baby toys the next day and walked for what seemed like miles garage sale shopping with my family. I even found an antique wooden potty chair. Who knew? I guess I did. Why else would I have bought baby stuff? I had a nephew that was coming to town, but something told me I'd need these things someday.
I'm ecstatic at the whole idea of being someone's mother. I've done everything I've wanted to do and learned a lot from those around me. As a teacher, I see what happens to kids that aren't held enough or were born to teenage moms. I've had crack babies in class, pregnant teens in my homeroom, and have seen too many mothers who dress like their daughters. And I've learned from all of it. I'm entering a phase that I purposely prepared myself for all my life. I even chose a career that gives me my summers off so I can be the best Mama I can be. I'll gladly work nine months out of the year if it means I can have three straight months of time with my kids. And I won't complain about getting out of work at 2:45pm. I get to come home to my very own family and that is priceless.
This coming school year, I will see my students differently. Each and every one of them was a baby at one time. They were all carried the way I'm carrying my baby. They do not have a lot of advantages, though. They live in an entirely different neighborhood (less than desirable, crack-filled, ho-ridden) than I do (nice with lots of cops, old people, and kids, alike) and they will grow up way too fast because of it. My students will have to use all their energy to claw their ways out of their environment later. I feel lucky that my husband and I will be able to support our family, unlike the parents I see. I'd like to think that someone at their home loves them as much as I love my baby. It's not always the case, unfortunately.
I'm sometimes scared about being someone's Mama. I'm sure every woman goes through that, especially with the first child. I have an incredibly supportive husband who will make an excellent Papa. I guess that's why I picked him. I've loved him since the day I met him. And I don't mind housing his baby right now. He's constantly referring to the baby now, calling us "Mama" and "Papa." Just wait until he/she arrives. He will love his baby more than he's ever loved anything in this world. He already does.
Hubby cleaned a lot last night. He worked all day, met me at his mother's house for a birthday party, and when we got home he started his laundry and scrubbed his bathroom. He also vacuumed all the rugs and called me to inspect everything. He calls me Boss. I was so amazed at the fantastic job he did. I had to thank him because I want him to do that again someday. He shocked me, things were so clean. He saw my list of things that needed to be done and he saw where his name was next to certain items. He tackled those items like he was sacking a quarterback. I love him. And he doesn't complain anymore when I ask him to get something done. He just does it.
Things are looking very good right now. The house is very clean, the dogs are sleeping, Hubby's playing golf with his dad, it's 1pm and I'm still in my pajamas. I'm rested and fed. The sun is shining. All we have to do is put in our new kitchen faucet when he gets home. I'm so excited about it! It's a sexy faucet. I don't go back to work until Thursday, so I'm going to enjoy these last few days of peace and quiet before I have to ignore the office politics at work again. It'll be an interesting school year since a lot of the troublemakers (loud, obnoxious, racist, rabble-rousing teachers) left. It'll be an easier year, I think. Plus, I'm not thinking about work really. I'm more focused on this baby, knowing I'll have time off after the second quarter! I'll go back at the end of the third quarter and finish out the year and not have to work summer school, too! I have a lot to look forward to this year (pumping breast milk there, for one).
Sometimes, timing is everything. I needed a change and it looks like I'm getting it. I win again! This time, however, I win BIG!
