2004-10-04 - 5:25 p.m.
Well, I picked up the referral from my doctor's office and I scheduled my ultrasound minutes later. Next Monday, on Columbus Day (my day off!), I will be finding out how my baby is and what kind of baby I'm having...a Labrador or a monkey.
I'm excited about it because I really, really want to know how it is and what it is. I need to put a name to this baby. I want to be able to call it by its name, not as an indefinite pronoun. I love this baby and I need to know whether to call the baby Addison or Jack. Initially, when I first found out I was expecting, I didn't want to know the sex. Now, as the due date gets closer and closer, I feel compelled to know, as if the baby wants to be called something other than a Labrador or a monkey.
Let me tell you. This baby likes to move around. It must be having a great time in the womb. I guess I would be, too, if I was surrounded by warmth, darkness, and the sound of my mother yelling at the dogs daily. I absolutely can't wait to meet this little being that has grown so much in such a short period of time. I need to see its face, smell its head, touch its skin.
While the ultrasound won't allow me to do any of those things I'd like to do, I will, however, be able to see if it is okay in there. I want to see ten fingers and toes clearly. I want to see the heart beating, not just be able to hear it on a fetoscope. I want to see who it looks like, Hubby or me or a wonderful combination of both. I want to be able to tell Hubby he's having a son or a daughter. I want to see the look on his face when we find out together.
I'm secretly hoping for a boy, even though a girl would be just fine with me. I'm a mother. I really don't care what it is, only how well it is thriving. If I have a girl, I can buy cuter stuff for her. You can't really dress up a boy too much. They're boys. But if I have a boy, I can do what I've always wanted to do...give him a middle name of someone I admire...my brother. I love my brother and respect him. I want to honor him by making his first name my little boy's middle name. He is, of course, the only "Uncle" and there will never be another person in my life like him. It's the natural thing for me to do. My brother will love him like a son and he will watch over him for the rest of his life, like he's done for me. "Gregory" means vigilant watchman and it's appropriate for my son. If my firstborn is a boy, he will undoubtedly watch over his subsequent siblings. Another name just wouldn't do. Jack Gregory is fitting for a boy like Addison Belle is fitting for a girl. If the baby's a girl, her name comes from where Hubby and I began our life together and it's only gotten better since then. Either way you look at it, whether the baby's a boy or a girl, we've got the best present in the world...someone who we will love for all the days and someone who will love us back. You only get one mother and one father. And this baby is very, very, very loved by all who know he/she exists.
I can't rely on instinct. I don't really know. In the beginning, I thought I'd be having a girl because everybody in our family has girls first. My mom did; my sister did; my Gram did. The sperm, however, determines the sex of the baby; not the egg. Hubby's whole family has had boys first; both his sisters did, one brother did, and one brother didn't, but his dad did. So, I don't know what the heck I'm having. I just know that it's in there swimming around, playing in the womb, having a blast, maybe laughing at the rest of world outside.
For the next week, I'm sure I'll have dreams about the baby, moreso than usual. It's a very intense, very exciting, very fun time...awaiting the identity of this creature that has made my body its home.
What will I do if they can't tell what sex it is? I'll try to prevent that by having a Coke before my appointment, so that the baby is hyper for the test and moves around a lot.
At least, this time I only have to hold 24 ounces of water in my bladder, instead of 36 ounces. I thought I was going to explode last time and I wanted to kill the technician because I thought I was going to pee on the table. I can hold 24 ounces, hopefully easily.
So, there ya go. I will anxiously await the identity of this baby and have many, many dreams until I know what it is. After I know, I will have many more dreams about Addison or Jack and how great of a father my husband will be.
