2004-10-01 - 1:10 p.m.
Dr. Who Are You pisses me off. Big time.
I am so disenchanted about my doctor visit today. I don't even want to go back to her anymore.
Today's appointment was originally scheduled for next Tuesday, but was cancelled by my doctor because she wouldn't even be in town. So, I had to take today off from work to go at 11am, something I didn't wish to do. I need to save my sick days so I can take more time off when the baby comes.
They didn't even know I was coming. Whoever rescheduled my appointment didn't even bother putting it on the schedule, so I had to wait...a whole hour there before I was actually seen.
When I finally was seen, it was for all of ten minutes. I heard the baby's heartbeat again (music to my ears) and listened to my doctor lecture me about how I've gained too much weight too quickly. For God's sake, I'm 134 pounds! I started out at 110 and I finally had the nerve to stand up to my doctor today about those kinds of comments she keeps making. I told her she didn't even really know me and that if she looked at her chart, my weight has always fluctuated. I told her that what she should be telling me is that I was too small before, not that I'm too big now. I told her that I feel great, I look great, and there's nothing wrong with the 24 pounds I've gained since May. I'm about 22 weeks pregnant and I'll have no problem losing the weight later. It's not like I'm eating crap. I eat lots of protein and calcium; I take my vitamins; and I've never looked and felt so good. I told her to leave it alone.
She didn't initially want to let me have an ultrasound "this early," either. So, I had to fight about that, too. I demanded it and told her that even the ultrasound technician told me to come back in late September and they could tell me if the baby's a boy or a girl. My doctor wanted to make me wait another month! I said absolutely not. I told her that there's no reason why I can't have it done now. I could go in two weeks, if she would just give me the referral. Instead of writing the referral right then and there, I have to go back next week to pick it up. I had her reassure me twice that it would be ready when I come back on Monday or Tuesday, just so it doesn't "slip her mind."
I left the office so pissed that the first thing I said to myself was that I won't use her again when I have another baby. Her being so oblivious to me, I'm sure she hasn't even caught on to how I feel about her right now. I left feeling deflated and like I was just another woman they were going to put on the slab of the delivery table later.
I should've known from the first visit when I mentioned my birth plan and she had the nerve to ask me what that was. Even my husband was shocked because even he knows what a birth plan is!
I'm toying with the idea of switching doctors, but that means a lot of footwork on my part. I'd have to ask around, go back to the hospital and talk to nurses about their favorite doctors, beg my insurance company for the change even though I can only change doctors once a year, etc. I just don't know if I'm up to it, even though it's one of the most important times in my life. I can't wait for the baby to be out so that I don't have to go back to her ever again. Next year, I could switch doctors and not have to explain why or go through the red tape of finding someone new to see me from my sixth month and on.
Plus, I couldn't even schedule my next appointment because, as usual, they don't have November's schedule ready. I was told to call back in the middle of October to reserve an appointment for November. I'll need a flu shot then, and I want to make sure I get one, so I wanted to make it as far ahead in advance as I could. Now, as is typical, I have to fucking wait.
I was so mad when I left the doctor's office that I stopped off at McDonald's and bought a Big Mac, super-sized fries, and a medium vanilla shake. I ate it all when I got home and said to myself, "How about another fucking pound, Dr. Bitchass?"
There's nothing wrong with what I weigh, other than the fact that I was probably too small before I even got pregnant. Even if I had started out at 115, would my doctor still hound me about being 134 right now? I'm starting my sixth month! It's not like I'm 350 pounds!
Back the fuck off. I'm healthy and I've never felt better. I feel my baby's movement several times a day and it makes me so happy. In fact, right now the baby is moving around and having a load of fun inside my womb. I wish I was in there so I could play with him/her. I've never felt this good and I resent anyone, including my doctor, telling me that I'm gaining too much too fast. And I let her know it, too. I'M ALL BELLY. It's not like my legs are fat or my ass says "Wide Load" on it. I'm all belly. I don't look pregnant from behind, but when I turn around, you get hit in the face with my Buddha Belly. I love it. I look great pregnant, like I should always be this way.
I don't really know if I want to change doctors, but I'm not happy with the way these visits are turning out. I don't know if I have the time or the energy to exhaust looking for someone else who may turn out to be the same way. Next time, I think we'll use an entirely different hospital. I don't care if this one is the closest. I want to be cared for, not just considered another piece of paperwork.
This just sucks and I want to curl up and cry, but I can't. I too busy finishing my vanilla shake and I'm going to take the longest nap of my life when I get done with it.
As if 134 pounds means I'm a fatty...I could just die. Your doctor should never make you feel this way. I really am all belly. Really. This baby is a healthy one because it's Mama is healthy, too. I don't need my own doctor making me feel like a cow because when I see her for my six-week postnatal checkup, all of that weight will be gone and I can say, "I told you so."
I'm so disappointed. I hate feeling like this. I just hate it.
